This one doesn't have to do with Botswana, it's just a rant I felt like delivering after I read this article. It's an important topic and one that I think affects a large population.
This is fucking depressing.
Disclaimer: I don't enjoy generalizations, I've had some great dating experiences in Vancouver and it’s not like this is all on men while the women in Vancouver are perfectly divine.
That being said, I do agree that the dating scene is suffering in Vancouver. And I have personally observed many of the male characteristics this article touches upon. I’ve met many dateable women there over the years - intelligent, kind, sexy, funny, interesting. Frankly, this just hasn’t been true for the men. I often consider switching teams because in some ways it seems easier. But that makes me sad because I do genuinely love men. Unfortunately I have not been blown away by the selection in Vancouver.
The article does mention the possibility that maybe this is in part a universal phenomenon of women disparaging about the men in their town.. maybe men worldwide are generally inadequate romantic partners? I don’t feel uncomfortable making a generalization like that because I think we can all agree there is ample evidence to corroborate the cliché of the adulterous and/or otherwise abusive male partner.
However, I do think there is an issue in Vancouver especially. Maybe I feel this way because I know this city more intimately than I do other places, so its issues are more familiar and frustratingly salient to me. But the thing is, I’ve experienced a number of different contexts. Nowhere, that I have observed, are the dating relations between men and women so unnatural as they predominantly seem to be in Vancouver. It must be where the word “awkward” originated. It certainly doesn’t exist in Serbian, French, or Setswana..
I have been fortunate to have met some lovely men and have had some fantastic experiences. But I’m very selective and I rarely meet men whom I would consider going out with even once, let alone anything long-term. I hate to say it, I reaaaally do. But unfortunately most of the time when I have been asked out in Vancouver, I would feel like I’m settling if I were to go out with them. Not because I think I’m perfect... I’m not so narcissistic as to think that unless Adrien Brody shows up on my doorstop I’m not going to consider any mere mortal. Of course not. But I’m also not going to be with men I don’t find attractive or deserving of being with me. That’s not arrogance, rather simply confidence and self-respect. And the thing that makes me sure that this isn’t all just in my head, or in the head of the woman who wrote the article, is that I don’t feel this way in other places. I’ve found that in many parts of Europe for instance, interaction between men and women feels much more natural and easy. Moreover, there are just more eligible candidates. It’s not hard for me to find an attractive (not just physically) male who I’d contemplate dating. Whereas in Vancouver I’ve often felt like maybe I just have to lower my standards in order to be with someone.
To comment on some of the specific characteristics the article states Vancouverite men are afflicted with, I do think that immaturity has something to do with it. I’ve met men who are able to hold a conversation and keep up with me. But not often. Even many of the ones who appreciate that I have a brain and big dreams seem to have emotional maturity issues. Not always, like I said. I have met some great guys in Vancouver (generally not born and raised there), this is not an attack on anyone in particular, even though it is obviously an overall reflection of my experience thus far. The concept of the “man-child” is extremely pervasive in this city.
And then you have the issue of chemistry. Even if and when you do find a person you really like, it’s not guaranteed that there will be attraction or a spark – after considerable contemplation, I’ve come to the conclusion that the spark thing is legitimate and not just something people made up. And even if they did make it up, it doesn’t change the fact that it is a pre-requisite for successful dating, at least initially. And so on the rare occasion that I meet a man in Vancouver whom I enjoy as a human being, respect and find interesting, chemistry isn’t a given.
Another disclaimer I should probably make is that I’m not particularly dateable myself. Amongst other issues, I have an obvious international habit that prevents me from comfortably opting to commit to someone in Vancouver. And since I’m not into casual hookups, I’m left in a situation where I basically don’t want to even try being with someone because I know I have a short timeline in which to make anything happen. It’s very discouraging.
In an ideal world, I could come home to Vancouver in between other things I want to do, and there will be a vast variety of quality male specimens I can spend my time with. Although seemingly irrational, this sort of thing isn’t all that crazy in many other places in the world where in short periods of time, I did manage to meet extraordinary men whom I didn’t necessarily have to spend a long time with to have a meaningful and memorable encounter, irrespective of anything physical.
I do miss having a man in my life. Much more so than the physical aspects, which are important in their own right, I miss having a friend who is always there. Someone who can spoon away some of my anxieties and frustrations with this terribly daunting and difficult world. I may be independent, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to be cared for. So this is hard, my lifestyle. As all my friends pair up with long-term partners, I’m traversing the world, insatiable for all the things the natural universe can show me. At this stage of my life, I wouldn’t have it any other way. But I hope it won’t always be quite so lonely.
Thanks for reading,
So long!
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