Two months

Yesterday I had an interesting situation.

I was drinking water in our kitchen when I felt something fly onto my leg. I sensed what it was before I saw it. Then I looked down and sure enough, the cockroach scurried away. Not fast enough though! My critter friend died a swift death.

Hi there!

So is where I'm at now. Since I last posted, we've had more cockroaches, scorpions, and many, many more spiders. It's not unusual for me to wake up with what I hope are just spider/mosquito bites. I've also spent another month in our creaky, enormous house. And finally, the heat is really beginning. Although it's been hot since day one, it was quite cool compared to the blistering heat that is settling in now. Hello November.
Before coming here, I was scared of so many things, and the thought of a cockroach on my body would have revolted me. Now I just get a kick out of killing these disgusting creatures, laugh it off, and move on with my day. No panic, no stress.

I've never been happier. Yesterday after Yoga, I just stood outside our house and reveled in the breeze - a blessing in the evenings. I'm just so appreciative, every day. To be here, and to do this. There have been so many challenges, and every day is a journey of its own. I never know what will happen. But that's the beauty of it. I've lived more life here in 2 months than I do in several years in Vancouver.

I don't even try to keep up with processing the changes anymore. Too much has happened and I'm in a totally different head space. It takes quite a lot to faze me these days. The other day I heard my roommate scream that there was a scorpion in our hallway. Excitedly, I walked out of my room to squish the hell out of him and go on to prepare my breakfast. Earlier this week, on the kombi ride to work, I thought to myself...there is so much simple pleasure in my life here. The breeze on my face, the absurd and hilarious social proximity (ie. squish factor), the scenery of Mochudi.. I'm starting to find it all so beautiful. I'm falling deeper in love with this place every week.

Time is absolutely flying now. I've got about a month left, and at the rate the last one has passed, I'm going to blink and it'll be time to go home.

Very mixed feelings.

In the first month, if my program had mysteriously shut down and I'd had to return to Vancouver immediately, I would have gladly welcomed the change of plans. I spent that time mostly overwhelmed and drained by the many factors involved with the transition. I was scared, intimidated by the numerous challenges of daily life, and even tempted to just quit and go back.

The worst thing was not being sure that I had made the right decision in coming here. So much was riding on that decision, it was extremely important that I don't fuck up and make the wrong one. I remember the first night in Botswana, I was at a homestay for the first week and I remember my house mom saying that I'll be targeted because I'm a white female. I also remember the people screaming prayer chants on the prayer channel which was always on.

I thought that maybe my family was right in thinking I shouldn't attempt this now. I didn't feel ready for the onslaught of culture shock. Can one ever be "ready"? But it couldn't have been any different. I'm always going to be drawn to alternative and crazy lifestyles, and endeavor to listen to my instincts with every major decision I make. I needed to come here, and it couldn't have been any different.

The whole first month was a period of adjustment, not least of all to the tempo and nature of the work. I felt completely unoccupied and in the way. I've said this before too, but can't emphasize it enough. Here, no one will order you around and tell you to do this at this time. It's expected that everyone find the niche they are comfortable in, and contribute as much they can. So I struggled to find that niche, and to make sense of it all.

Now, although there are still ambiguities and frustrating aspects about living and working here, for the most part I am extremely comfortable here. I get to do basically whatever I want to, whilst adhering to the overarching agenda of Stepping Stones. I've found my place here, and it's so, so rewarding!

I've gotten to participate in incredibly cool projects, as well as to engage some of my own. I even get to do Yoga with the kids! I can't tell you how happy that made me.

The challenging things now have less to do with cultural difference and more to do with universalities.

I didn't think I would fall in love with these kids as much as I have. I kept my guard up during the first month, not intending to get attached to these children whom I have to leave in a few months. I also found them difficult to deal with. This was partly because I'd never worked with kids before and didn't consider myself a "kid person," and partly because these particular children's worlds felt so different from mine.

The longer I am here, the more faint those differences appear. I don't even know when things started to change. All of a sudden, I realized I am happier than I've ever been and that these kids have so much to do with that. Their love is so pure, so energetic. I honestly couldn't tell you who's more attached, the kids or me. (probably me).

So now the issue is how I'll say goodbye to them, and to life in Africa. I'm excited to get back to Vancouver, to breathe in the fresh, cool air. And to see my family and friends. Definitely, I'm looking forward to it very much.

But I'm also content here, in a way I don't seem to be able to achieve in Canada. My life here is simple, pure, and rich. There, it's almost the antithesis of that. Hopefully I can translate some of the pleasures and lessons of my time here to my life there, but I do wonder how it will be to readjust to all of that.

Regardless, I'm thankful for everything I have. I'll find ways to keep travelling, learning, and building myself.

Ciao